How to Improve Self-Esteem: 14 Ways to Boost Self-Esteem

We know how important positive self-esteem is in our lives. What we do, what we say, and how we interact and work with others on a daily basis depend largely on our self-esteem and confidence level.

The common characteristics of low self-esteem include feeling awkward in front of new people. Finding it hard to talk to certain people. Getting depressed and lacking in self-confidence. You feel like you don’t belong anywhere. You’re overly conscious of your physical appearance for whatever reason.

Probably, you keep asking yourself, how can I boost my self-esteem? How can I get back my self-confidence?

If you’re going through similar experiences, this post deals with ways to help you improve your self-esteem to pursue what you want in life.

Whether you’re working or speaking with a person, or with a group of people, the impression that others get about you comes from your confidence level.

Whatever you do, there’s no shortcut to attaining your desire to improve self-esteem. It may take years and perseverance is the key to dealing with low self-esteem.

Dealing with Overly Self-Consciousness

Feeling overly self-conscious around people? Acknowledge others’ presence around you but make efforts not to think that others are watching all your movements.

You think you just can’t fit in with people and feel out of place everywhere you go. When you sit down for dinner at social events, that uneasy feeling creeps in and you start sweating even in cold weather.

Worse, you even thought you were going to faint. And the more you try to avoid such painful experiences from recurring, they seem to come back with greater force. Otherwise, you’re perfectly normal and enjoy your food around your family table.

It’s quite understandable that these things happen as much as you try to overcome unwelcome moments.

Everybody is busy in their own world. There is so much going on in their minds that they hardly pay attention to what you’re doing.

Well, people may look at you while you eat, walk or drive by on the street but those are just fleeting seconds, and you’ve gone from their memory as you leave.

For example, you’re going someplace for some reason. Just like you, others are engaged in their own thinking to accomplish the day’s task or meet the deadline. Everybody is in hurry to deal with issues and problems in their lives.

Focus on whatever your task is at hand. Don’t let your assumptions trick you into believing people are judging you.

Why Self-Pity is Bad for Your Self-Esteem?

Have you ever been in a situation where you hate yourself for some reason? Maybe, you weren’t happy with your looks. You indulge in self-pity for mediocre performance in the things you do.

It may also happen that your achievements are overlooked while others get the credit for the work. Your boss undermines your ability and passes on a better position to another colleague. Often, your peers do not think highly of your skills at work.

These things occur in everyday situations. And the reasons can be varied. This can also transpire under the guise of envy and subtle sabotage from some people you work with regularly.

If you truly know yourself and your abilities, there’s no reason to sulk and feel sorry for yourself. Rather, take it as a challenge to strengthen your belief in yourself and rise above petty bickerings in life.

Accept Who You Are

Now, the real reason why you feel low esteem is because you allow the negative forces to dominate your thinking processes.

It’s like there are two invisible persons silently whispering from opposite directions telling you conflicting opinions. This confusion intensifies your problem.

One person tells you not to have fear and go on to achieve your dreams. And every time, the other person interrupts with negative thoughts – “you’re not capable of doing it”.

If you can’t respect and love yourself, you’re pushing your self-esteem to the bottom level.

Each individual is gifted differently and it is not fair to demand of you to have everything that others possess.

Learn to accept your shortcomings and what you can’t have. Respect your capabilities and love yourself for who you are.

You need to stop comparing yourself to others. You will only hurt your self-esteem if you compete with others’ achievements.

Some People Can Boost Your Self-Esteem

The truth is, you can’t be selective with whom to spend quality time to motivate you. But try to seek out the company of people who makes you feel good.

Even outside your circle of friends, you may know some acquaintances whose energetic personality motivates you to be like them.

Some people simply make you feel upbeat in their presence. You can feel their positive vibes. That’s great for your self-esteem. These people need not necessarily give you counseling, but just meeting up even for small talk boosts your confidence level.

But it’s not just a one-way street. You also have to reciprocate with positive energy to benefit from mutual sharing. If you only benefit from others and send out negative energy, people will soon avoid you.

The worst thing you want to do is confine yourself alone for an extended time. Now social media pervades our lives but still, there’s nothing like mingling with people in person.

Visualize What You Want to be

You might have come across someone you admire who exudes loads of confidence. Someone you look up to as larger than life. That person could be anyone, whether a fictional character or a real person.

It helps when you visualize yourself as being the person you want to be. Having a role model, you can imitate certain positive traits of that person that you think are good for your self-esteem. If you feel good about making changes in your personal behavior and attitudes, that will work for your self-esteem.

On the flip side, forcing on yourself someone’s mannerisms will find you in an awkward situation that will batter your self-esteem.

Focus on what you want to change about yourself and work on it consistently. By doing that, you adapt to changes gradually and naturally, that become a part of your personality.

Why Self-discipline is Important for Self-Esteem?

If you want to go a long way to improve yourself, what do you think of a person who shows up late for an appointment? Or how do you feel if you show up late, while others are waiting for you? And how do you feel when you happen to be the first one to arrive at a meeting place?

In this situation, your self-esteem is at play. Self-discipline applies in all situations starting from home. How you spend time, what you do, and how you prioritize your work and responsibilities.

You know that you have to wake up early the next day but you stayed up late binge drinking through the night. That’d definitely cost your day the next day and plummet your self-esteem.

Instead of thinking that things will work out fine, take the proactive initiative to work on the task immediately so that you have time to complete other work.

We feel good when we’re able to accomplish multiple tasks including those we didn’t think of. That will be an added bonus and that’s good for our self-esteem.

Nurture Positive Mindset

Avoid being overly sensitive to others’ attitudes toward you. That way, it shields your self-esteem from everyday encounters with different types of people. And you’ll help yourself to maintain your positive attitude.

Imagine, if you cringe at every little word that others utter about you, how do you think you can stand strong on your feet?

Feel at ease and free from self-negating when you talk to others. Try to remain calm and focus on positive thoughts. Doing this will make you feel better about yourself and works well for your self-esteem.

Move on in Life

When we are depressed and anxious, we tend to focus on the negative side only. Our mind picks up and records all our experiences.

Say, for some reason, you had bitter altercations with your neighbor and some kind of mistrust has crept into your mind towards that person.

Now if that neighbor shows up at your door for a friendly chat, your immediate reaction is not to trust that person, regardless of the real intentions. If you show a cold shoulder, you aggravate already soured relationships.

But what’s the benefit in that apart from nursing your fragile ego at the expense of building a bridge with your neighbor? If someone is reaching out to reconcile with you, why not reciprocate positively and live in peace?

Living with negative thoughts saps your energy and that impacts your self-esteem hugely. Instead, start to harness positive thoughts and develop a positive mindset.

Another way to disrupt negative thinking is a twist to “harnessing the positive power of negative thinking” as Oliver Burkeman throws an interesting insight in this article.

Count your blessings each day for what you have and what you plan to achieve.

Challenge Your Fears

Do something you fear or just confront your fears. Most of our fears stem from irrational assumptions. Train your mind to think objectively.

Fear of rejection is something we feel on different occasions. For example, while participating in a group meeting, you have your opinion but you’re not sure people will like it, so you remain quiet.

Sometimes, you know that you’re pretty sure about a specific topic but you fear how people might react. At other times, you want to speak out about certain issues and make things right but you hesitate because you fear backlash and mockery.

Bottling up your thoughts and being part of the system with disaffection only destabilizes your overall well-being. It’s better to pour out what’s inside your mind and make your self-esteem happy.

Assert Yourself to Gain Positive Self-Esteem

Stand for what is right. If you want to boost your self-esteem, there cannot be room for compromise on your moral values and ethics.

Stand for your rights and that of others. Doing the right thing makes you feel good which translates into positive self-esteem.

Don’t let others trample on your rights. If you don’t address this issue at an early stage, it will seep into your self-esteem.

Agree to Disagree

When you’re trying to improve your self-esteem, it’s a good start to have your own opinion and not toeing others’ thinking.

Develop assertiveness in speaking, walking, sitting, and shaking hands. Visualize yourself being a successful person. Your body language should convey confidence. Don’t whisper but speak loud enough and in a clear voice.

At the same time, you need to recognize a clear boundary between arrogance and confidence. To do this, keep reflecting on your actions and thoughts.

Start Believing in Yourself

Through the years of your life, you’ve accumulated substantial experiences. Although, life lessons are endless with so much to learn from life’s journey to one’s death. Well, you can draw lessons learned from your experiences.

Make your experiences your life anchor and start believing in yourself. You could be proficient in certain skills and so turn your abilities to boost your self-esteem and confidence level.

In life, you’ll always come across some people who’ll judge your skills and throw unreasonable criticism just to put you down. Should you take them seriously? To help you in your personal growth, you need to identify where genuine feedback is coming from and also who is trying to pull you back.

Life doesn’t simply offer us sweet candies but a blend of sour and bitter tastes. But these are essential ingredients in life that take you on the grinding and polishing process in life. It depends on how we navigate and endure both easy and difficult life terrains.

Learn New Skills to Lift Your Self-Esteem

You already have some skills that you’re good at. Scaling up with more skills will have positive effects on your self-esteem and confidence.

Learn a new language, try out a new sport, or do any activity you haven’t tried before. There are too many things outside your comfort zone that you’re yet to discover. Make it a habit to learn something new as often as possible. That way, you’ll enrich your life with varieties of experiences and knowledge.

You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and raise your self-esteem knowing that you’ve acquired more skills. And don’t forget to keep polishing your already acquired skills.

Watch Inspiring Movies

There are tons of great movies that you can even try to emulate the characters. Look for the movies that depict real-life stories and you might find some that closely relate to your life.

Watching The Godfather trilogy, especially Part One gives my self-esteem a feel-good factor. If you remember how Marlon Brando talked about manning up to Al Martino and there’s Al Pacino’s decisive character in defending the family honor and avenging his brother’s death.

Finding inspiration doesn’t mean glorifying the mob rule but from my personal stand, this is about my personal development where I draw meaningful inspiration. There are other genres like Le Salaire de la Peur, The Schindler’s List, and Life is Beautiful just to name some of my favorites.

Get Inspiration from Reading

Read about writings on personal development, great personalities, literary works, and fiction. Emulate exemplary lives of great men and women from the past and contemporary times.

From a few collections that I have, I read about the glimpse of Abraham Lincoln’s remarkable political career and Dale Carnegie’s How to Influence People and Make Friends. Reading widens our mental horizons and opens up our minds to see things from different perspectives.

Great writings give you strength. They are like your personal coach who delves into the intricacies of life, based on their rich experiences. These are treasure troves that you can come back to countless times when you need guidance.

Keep reading but not necessarily on self-esteem. Sometimes, when you’re reading a book unrelated to self-esteem, you might stumble upon a gem. Make it a habit to read on an array of topics.

Raise Self-Esteem through Public Speaking

So far we’ve been dwelling on self-motivation on the path to enhancing self-esteem and confidence. Let’s move further into the public space.

One way to bring up the level of your self-esteem is to practice public speaking. For those who are not familiar with making a speech in public can be difficult at first. But with practice, you can even deliver a great speech as you want it. One need not be an orator to speak in public but consistency in practice will elevate your confidence.

Public speaking is an art that anyone can develop as a skill. It can help to boost your self-esteem. If you’re not used to speaking in public, first start small with practice.

Practice Your Speech

Before you actually speak in front of people, organize your thoughts by writing relevant points you would like to say.

Practice speaking in front of the mirror looking at your reflection with proper gestures and body language, voice intonations, and speech clarity. For a change, use a video record to track your progress or you can have your loyal pet as your audience.

As you gain confidence to speak to a real audience, try to involve in your local community group activities and associations. When you get an opportunity to speak, showcase the oratorical skills that you’ve been practicing for a while.

If you’re in school or college, you get plenty of opportunities to speak in the form of discussions, debates, seminars, drama, and other similar activities. For professionals, your workplace serves as a platform to hone your speaking skills at meetings and conferences.

When you know that people hear your views and that you can express them the way you want, it makes you feel good. And that hits the bull’s eye for your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Take Up Leadership Role to Enhance Self-Esteem

No matter what you do, where you live, or work, taking up a leadership role can enhance your self-esteem.

Stepping into a leadership role doesn’t require big followers but this can happen in a small group, within your friends’ circle, in the workplace, and in your local community.

Take Initiative

What matters is the initiative you take in any situation. Don’t wait for approval from others but take the lead about the issues and problems that you think need to address that concern the community.

That feeling of contributing toward a society with efforts to make changes for the general good elevates your mood and self-esteem. Realizing that your selfless efforts help others, in turn, benefits your self-esteem.

Self-worth and Responsibilities

This also triggers your sense of self-worth and being a leader makes you aware of your actions and responsibilities.

Criticisms and feedbacks are part of social interactions. You just need to stay focused and make amends where necessary.

At times, receiving favorable responses and praise from your co-workers, and group members certainly elevate your self-esteem.

Help Others to Lead

Not just assuming a leadership position by yourself but if you help push someone to become a leader has a positive effect on your self-esteem. That actually projects yourself about being a dynamic person in a group or organization.

Final Thoughts

Remember that it’s not about a few weeks’ efforts to get over your low self-esteem. You need to work on improving your self-esteem and confidence levels consistently for a long time to see a positive result.

There can’t be a uniform timeframe to achieve your target. It may vary from one person to another. Until your self-esteem and confidence become part of your habit without consciously trying, you have to keep working on it.